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Moksie

Whether an irritation, an icon, or both, the Eikestad’s favourite beggar woman has over a thousand fans on Facebook

Love her or hate her, the beggar woman Moksie (“Meneer, meneer, kan ek vyf rand kry?”) is a Stellenbosch institution. She’s been known to shout, curse, steal, and worse, and is the bane of arriving eerstejaars who don’t yet know better than to head for the hills at the sight of her.

Moksie is seen most often at in the vicinity of the corner of Andringa & Victoria streets, where the customers of the Brazen Head, Bohemia, and the Mystic Boer enjoy their drinks, sometimes incurring the wrath of bar security guards who empty jugs full of water in her direction. She is known for her repeated use of the P-word, an Afrikaans vulgarism for unmentionable parts of the female anatomy (“Jou p***!”), and is a big fan of the Afrikaans soap-opera “7de Laan”.

Mokise is also believed to have the gift of bilocation, allowing her to pester innocent citizens at multiple places across die Eikestad. Despite her foul behaviour, the she-bergie of Stellenbosch now has a Facebook group created in her honour, which has attracted over a thousand members, who leave their favourite Moksie memories on the group’s wall.

Moksie is a fan of alcoholic beverages, especially if procured without incurring any financial loss to herself. K.U. Petzsch reports seeing Moksie grab a full glass of wine and down it in one gulp while a girl had turned around.

“My favorite Moksie story was during my first week in South Africa,” fellow utilander T. King reports. “She came up to me speaking Xhosa, then asked for money in Afrikaans, and then finally switched to English. I came to the realization that a homeless mental woman can speak two more languages than I can.”

“My eerste encouter met tannie Moksie sal ek nooit vergeet nie — al bid ek elke aand dat ek net kan,” reports Miss C. Cronje. “As ’n onskuldige eerstejaar het sy my buite die geologie gebou onkant betrap. Ek het geld uitgehaal. Ek was besig om op te staan toe dit gebeur. Die son was in my oe, ek het dit nie gesien kom nie… Ja, tannie Moksie het my op my mond gesoen.”

“There are few other sounds that fill me (and my wallet) with fear as her battle cry,” says M. McD. “Especially when the USBD or Neelsie security grabs hold of her and she lets rip. Jeee-AAAY! *visualises giant flock of frightened flamingo’s springing into the air*.”

Moksie has been subjected to her own medicine from time to time. “I have a friend who drove past Moksie whilst going up Merriman,” M.K. Botha wrote. “She apparently stopped the car in the middle of the road and shouted ‘Moksie! Jou p***!’ Moksie thought it was hysterical and started shouted back at her with a huge smile on her face. Classy lady.”

But should Stellenboschers be so tolerant of Mokise just because she is a bergie? “I think she is plain rude,” Miss L. Fortuin wrote. “Her bergieness should not excuse her from being polite.” But one Miss A.B. offers a unique defense of Moksie. “When the zombie apocalypse arrives, I’m finding Moksie. Those zombies won’t stand a chance.”

Published at 8:36 pm on Wednesday 21 April 2010. Categories: Errant Thoughts South Africa Stellenbosch Tags: , .
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