London, GB | Formerly of New York, Buenos Aires, Fife, and the Western Cape. | Saoránach d’Éirinn.

A Victory for Common Sense

In a shocking defeat for the Hacks, Tom d’Ardenne has been elected President of the University of St Andrews Students Association, though not without a fight! First, the background.

What is the Hack? The Hack is a strange subspecies of human which populates the myriad committees and offices of the Students Union. They are vile, strange, self-delusional people who live in an alternative universe purely of their own creation. The Hack is the enemy of all that is good and holy and sensible in this world. They have committee meetings which are hours long and which achieve nothing. They devote indordinate amounts of time to the Students Association, and to no real use. The Union (and all its works and worthless pomps) has absolutely no bearing, impact, or influence on the lives of the overwhelming majority of students. Hacks pretend this isn’t so, and when they are confronted with this reality (usually by injurious ne’erdowells such as myself), the reactions vary from the hilarious to the pitiable.

Nonetheless, the free reign the hacks have in the union has led them to create an intricate code of complex rules, regulations, and decrees. The hack has spent years studying and being inculcated in this strange Justinian code of darkness, which makes it intrinsically difficult for any non-hack to win any union election. First of all, the electoral rules can punish a candidate for factors completely outside his control. If you’re running for office and someone you don’t know, have never met, and have nothing to do with has completely unknowingly violated some minutiae of a footnote of a rule, you can be punished for it. Even thrown out of the race!

This is what happened to dear old Tom, the non-hack, the anti-hack. But with appeals and tribunals and what have you, somehow common sense prevailed and it was decided that his votes would be counted along with the others. And when the votes were counted, it was announced that the Anti-Hack himself had been duly elected Association President! Of course, it doesn’t really mean much. It’s largely a figurehead position as he has no real power to abolish, reform, or streamline the Union. But it’s an important symbolic victory against the hacks and their reign of self-importance. Plus, it’s always somewhat comforting to know that nice guys don’t always finish last. Our most profound congratulations to Tom d’Ardenne and best wishes for his sabbatical year as the head student representative of our ancient university. Do us proud!

Published at 5:46 pm on Wednesday 22 March 2006. Categories: St Andrews.
Comments

Wonderful! It’s a pity that it won’t change the Union, though I think the Catholic Society might take a harder line against this culture of death that the Union seems to be promoting.

— Liam 23 Mar 2006 4:49 am

Have a wonderful trip Andrew and a happy and special birthday.

— Aunt Naomi 24 Mar 2006 12:26 pm

Strange that the majority of hacks supported Tom then?

— Ben 2 Jun 2006 12:29 pm

F*** St’ Andrews students and their c*** of a president for bestowing an honorary degree on Khatami.
F*** the lot of you and your lecturers too.

— Khashayar 19 Feb 2007 8:09 am

Thank you Khashayar for your sensible, erudite and thoughtful comment. Of course you are entirely correct in thinking that all matriculated students at the University of St Andrews have a say in who the university bestows honorary degrees upon! I don’t know what we were thinking, but I think it’s wonderful you’ve told us the errors of our ways.

— John 18 May 2007 1:01 pm
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