Early Afternoon Mischief

THE SCENE: The Headmaster’s Office. The walls are glass-covered bookshelves with oak trim with intricate plasterwork on the ceiling. The room is full of books, paintings, artifacts from around the world. (e.g.: A carved jade chess set from Yucatan). The HEADMASTER is a grey-haired gentleman heading towards the evening of his life, seated in a comfortable chair behind his large desk. MR. CUSACK is seated in one of two seats on the other side of the desk.

HEADMASTER: Heh, watch this.

He picks up the phone, dials 4-1-1, then hits the Speakerphone function.

OPERATOR NO. 1: (aloud) City and state please?

HEADMASTER: Uh, correct!

OPERATOR NO. 1: One moment, please.

(Pause)

OPERATOR NO. 2: What listing?

HEADMASTER: Hello, I was wondering if you can help me. I’m looking for my socks.

OPERATOR NO. 2: I’m sorry, Sir?

HEADMASTER: My socks, do you have any idea where my socks are?

OPERATOR NO. 2: Sir, I have no idea where your socks are.

HEADMASTER: Well, I really need to find them.

OPERATOR NO. 2: Sir, you do realise you’re paying for this call?

HEADMASTER: Not as much as I paid for those socks! I’d really like to know where they are!

OPERATOR NO. 2: Sir, I can’t help you find your socks. You’re paying for this call.

HEADMASTER: You should be grateful!

(Click. OPERATOR NO. 2 has disconnected.)

HEADMASTER, with shocked expression, turns to MR. CUSACK and points to phone in hand: She’s not grateful.

MR. CUSACK nods approvingly.